I judged two of our kids’ grappling tournaments this weekend. All in all, we had roughly 90 young martial artists, from age 7-17, over 2 days. They were all competing for the very few divisional, top spots. I always enjoy these tournaments because it’s fun to see the kids compete and get excited. More importantly, it’s the perfect opportunity for us to ensure that each competitor is really getting the powerful life lessons that are the foundation behind their practice.
Showing Up & Giving Your All is The Most Important Thing
As with every tournament, there were a couple tears shed and some nerves acting out. Overall, they all did remarkably well.
Unfortunately, we also have the typical one or two “no shows” or “sudden illness” kids who don’t compete. I find those instances to be disheartening.
It’s difficult to explain but Sifu, Mr. Donahue or I could not possibly care less about the actual performance of the kids in the tournament, as far as their grappling goes. As a matter of fact, I am most impressed by those who lose the match but don’t lose their competitive spirit.
One little girl got “hurt” during her match and was crying (though, as I was judging that match, I think it was more of her being overwhelmed). After I pulled her aside and got her focused back on her breathing, she decided to continue instead of quitting. She lost, but she made me prouder than anyone that day.
Start Early. Learn Early.
We start teaching children early so they can start learning early! We teach each one to breathe through their nerves and minor pains and to be “here, now”. They will have an advantage that many of us do not, as we have learned later in life. The reason this is so important is that, as you all know, the challenges certainly do not get easier as we get older.
We can set ourselves up to either fold or flourish.
For the kids, these tournaments are both fun and stressful. They are often grappling with partners they have never met. There is a large audience of family and friends filling the schools. They definitively win or lose but they also have such a great opportunity to learn, which is why those who quit before they even start are so heartbreaking.
We are put in difficult situations on purpose
The difficulty of the situation is on purpose. Like our adult classes and tests, most things are designed to be at least mildly uncomfortable in the dojo. It’s the best way to prepare you for the harder tests you will face in your life. Interestingly, from ages 6 to 99, the answer remains the same: breathe.
As I picked up my “hurt” little girl and looked her in the eyes, I asked her if she was hurt. She whimpered something about an ear and I asked her if she had to quit. I told her I didn’t think she did and that she was tougher than she thinks. She slowly agreed and then I told her to keep pace with my breath as we took 3-4 purposeful, slow and deep breaths. Then, she was back in.
This quick self-evaluation and breathing is the exact same thing I do multiple times per day for myself. It’s the same thing you can do when you feel overwhelmed and shaken. There’s no point in skipping the tournaments or trying to avoid the hardships.
As an adult, you all know that they’ll find you one way or another, eventually. Prepare yourselves to re-center and focus your minds. Your meditation and breathing will be your “true north” when you get lost. It works for me, it works for students and it even works for little kids in a grappling tournament. I know it will work for you.